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The Power of SO WHAT? and Self-Love

Turn your melodrama into mellow drama.  Ram Dass

There’s a popular song out now that I really like. It’s a dance number (okay, I’m really dating myself here)... it's a hip hop song and the chorus goes:

“I throw my hands up in the air sometimes
Saying AYO
Gotta let go.
I wanna celebrate and live my life
Saying AYO
Baby, let’s go.”

You can’t help but dance to this song, whether that’s car dancing (which I like to do just to drive my teenage daughter crazy) or dancing in the bathroom while getting ready in the morning or while fixing dinner....whenever I hear that song I just have to move. The beat is great but I love what the words of the chorus tell us to do – throw our hands up and just let go. There is so much drama that comes at us in our daily lives and how we deal with it can make such a difference in our happiness. So I’ve adopted a very powerful tool - the SO WHAT? question. When stuff comes up, as it always does, I test it. Can I just say SO WHAT? here and move on? Yes? Ah, breathe. All is well. This is very powerful, not to mention a healthy thing to do, and I’ll give you a real life example.

I have a good friend who is an excellent customer service representative. Being of my age group, she finds herself surrounded by considerably younger workers who don’t seem to have the same work ethic she does. When 4:30 rolls around they get up and go regardless of the work left to be done. My friend just can’t do that and stays to finish out her work and make return calls to customers as promised. This upsets the other workers, who claim she is pushing up “the numbers” and that her finished call volume is too high. (Yes, I know you’re smiling at this.) My friend, who wants to keep peace with everyone, called to ask me what she should do. We agreed that she had to stay in integrity and do the job her way, and I recommended that she just not let them get to her, which I know is always easier said than done.

So I looked around the store for some type of touch stone that I could send to her and found a carved rock with the words “SO WHAT?” I sent this to her and now she leaves it on her desk during the day and whenever one of those workers starts complaining that she is moving the bar too high, she looks at the rock, smiles and just says silently to herself, “So what?” She also finds herself carrying the rock in her purse wherever she goes, just in case she needs it in traffic or in line at the grocery store or.....She says this little rock has changed her life.

How often do we let the drama take over our feelings? We can stew about the smallest things, eating up our energy and maybe beating ourselves up. Or we complain to others about stuff that happens. What if we could all just let some of these things go? Especially those things that we don’t control, like someone cutting us off in traffic? We take ourselves and the things that happen to us so seriously, when really we have the divine choice of deciding what deserves our energy.

I have two favorite prayers: The Serenity Prayer and a simple Thank You. I think I am adding SO WHAT? as my third favorite prayer. These two words have a different feel to them and give me the power to be free, to use my energy wisely and to move on. And isn’t that what self-love is all about? So as a Valentine’s and lovingkindness gift (it’s national kindness month), if you’d like to add SO WHAT? to your self-love toolkit, I have 100 small stones in the store with those words stamped on them. They are free while they last to anyone who would like to come in and ask for one. By accepting one of these stones, you are making an intention that you want to be in your power, and that sometimes you just gotta throw your hands up in the air and say to the world, “SO WHAT?”